Friday, February 25, 2011

Wanting More

There's been kind of a reoccurring theme for me popping up this week.  I think life/god/the universe is trying to tell me something. 

At yoga Wednesday night the theme was to enjoy where you are NOW.  To not always want more.  When you've mastered where you are more will come to you.  I think I've gotten this idea down pretty well in the last few years.  When Greg got furloughed, I felt like life got put on hold (hence "life in a holding pattern") and it took me a while to settle that burning desire to keep moving forward with our lives and what we wanted.  We were forced to take a step back from our goals in life and kind of just get by until things were back on track for us.  During this time, I looked around and asked myself what I could do while I was "waiting" and found my love for running, blogging, an active social life, my puppy, and many other fantastic things.  It's been wonderful and I love the things I've accomplished and learned about myself in this interim time.

But lately I've allowed my desire for the things I wanted before, that I put on hold a few years ago, to creep back in.  I want to have a baby, and the desire has suddenly taken hold of me in an extreme all consuming kind of way.  We are finally at the point where Greg's career is getting back on track and we both feel like it's time.  Suddenly I've become hyper aware of all things baby and all the pregnant people around me and I am green with envy.  I'm admittedly jealous of those younger than me that get to live the dream without having to wait like I did. 



Today I read this post, and I am really trying to embrace this message.  I truly am happy for the people in my life that have, are expecting, or trying for a baby, and I hope we all get to experience this joy.  While right now, I'm envious of those that are already experiencing it, I know that they deserve it and I deserve it too, and hopefully I will get to experience it soon. 

I'm terrified that it will be more difficult for us than a lot of couples just due to the fact that my husband is gone so much and may be gone at the wrong time of month, but we are just starting the process, so we'll see how things go.

I feel like good things did come from me having to wait, because I am truly ready now.  I accomplished so much in becoming who I've wanted to be.  I feel centered and I really know myself now and feel pretty complete.  I also feel like it was a great test for Greg and I to go through this struggle together and come out on the other side still loving each other and wanting to be together and have a family.  Not everyone would have survived this struggle like we did.  

Anyway, that's where I'm at with everything right now.  I've been debating whether to share more details about trying to conceive or not, and can't really decide if it's something I want to blog about or not.  Most people I know in real life that read this blog know I'm trying anyway, so it doesn't seem like a big deal to put it out there.  I also don't know if you guys want to hear about that or not.  I welcome feedback... 

15 comments:

Jennifer said...

Everything happens for a reason. When the time is right, it will happen. I know it is hard in the meantime. . .
Jen

Jessie said...

This may sound weird but...best wishes on the baby making!

J Horton said...

agreed with Jessie!

Whirly Wife said...

I love your post. I completely agree with you in that life has it's own timing and where we are not always privy to understanding why things happen the way they do it is for the best in the long run. There are still some very persistent signs that the Universe is giving me and I am struggling to hear them, or rather be okay with them. You are very wise in stating that the timing of our lives is for a reason. I wish you the best in the planing of your family and I am looking forward to hearing more about it. Being a mom is the most rewarding and most challenging job you will ever have. I think you are being very wise about it and the only advice I can give you is to take it a month at a time and enjoy the road to the final goal. Best wishes ;0)

Erin @ The Grass Skirt said...

I can relate to how you're feeling about being ready for a baby. In my case, I am jealous of everyone who can get pregnant so easily. Plus, I am scared about how I will handle it with having lupus. The point is that you're totally not alone. It will happen for us when the time is right, and we just have to try not to stress about it. Just practice whenever you get the chance! ;)

YUMMommy said...

Well, as one of your mom readers and a fellow QC blogger myself, I enjoy reading about other people's journey to parenting. So, whatever you decide, I will happily still come by and read. It took three years before me & my hubby conceived our first and now we're on our second. It just takes patience (which you clearly know about) and not making it a chore. Let nature run it's course for a year so before seeking help as far as fertility drugs would be my advice.

Wishing you guys the best of luck on this TTC journey. There are tons of other TTC blogs by other women who are on the same journey as you. Maybe, subscribing to a few will be good therapy and support for you.

http://yummommy.blogspot.com

Kristina @ spabettie said...

oh, Brittney! I'm hoping this happens for you soon!!

my thoughts? this blog is your blog, write what you want to and what feels comfortable and natural. you have supportive readers :)

XXO sending best wishes to you!

alison said...

I really like this post, very honest about how many of us feel. I know myself much better than I did a few years ago and I know you do too...can't wait to see you soon :)

RunningOnCoffee said...

Good luck to you! (Is that weird to say?) But congrats on your decision to move forward with this part of your life!

Sarah at theshubox.com has been posting about TTC-ing (amongst other things) if you are looking for other bloggers who are writing about the subject.

Brittany @ A Healthy Slice of Life said...

you'll be a momma- I can feel it! And I'm sending tons of baby dust your way (I hear it's contagious)!
I'm glad that Greg got home last night... now get busy ;) and keep us posted!

Katie said...

you're going to be a wonderful mom, brittney! whenever the time comes. i really admire the way you've handled the furlough situation. and you're right, it's made you stronger and readied you for your next step. :)

Tanya Kummerow said...

I'm with Jessie...weird, but go baby go! This is such a difficult topic because conceiving is so different for everyone and you never know how it is going to go. You and Greg are in my prayers and I wish you all of God's blessings. It is so amazing to see all of the wonderful opportunities that you got to experience during this "interim" time and it has made you such a stronger, more resilient woman which will translate into an awesome mom. I am confident that God will bless you in an amazing way! And whatever you choose...to blog or not to blog, I am anxious and excited for you!

Kelly said...

I just know it's going to happen for you! I'm sending you good vibes, baby vibes, every day. I'm here for you if you need anything! And I'm scheming baby shower ideas in my head. ;)

Runblondie26 said...

You got to do a lot of self development while you were in your "holding pattern", and now everthing is falling into place. Good luck on your TTC journey!

The blog is allowed to grow and change as your life does, so write about whatever you're passionate about.

Cassie said...

Ok, I'm finally catching up on some blog reading/commenting!

Like everyone has said, everything will happen when it's supposed to! I know all too well those feelings and urges!

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